letter to my younger self

There are times when I question everything that I believe, that the idea that I could have been wrong about an idea, or a person that I had incorporated into my life and made that thing a core belief -- when that is questioned -- it shakes me right down to my feet.  It's that cognitive dissonance thing again.  For me, right now, it's hard not to believe, in these difficult times, that the universe really has it out for me in one way or another.  So, no, everything is not coming up roses at present but I'm pretty sure that it's just a matter of time.  I'm grateful for what I do have but my contentment level is on the low side.  It's very easy to react out of fear.   The patterns of a lifetime cannot be rearranged in a mere moment.  I'm persevering.  

No matter how tough the days get I always seem to find one thing either once a day or once a week etc. that pulls me up and gives me a glimmer of hope.  I read an article called, "Letter To My Younger Self"  several months ago written by Eileen Fisher of Eileen Fisher Inc.  Her self-awareness of her own journey touched me in that it hit a soft spot in my own vulnerability.  That vulnerability was having to be alone while I go through the toughest part of this journey.  

Dear J,

You will kiss some frogs.  Life is not a success-only journey.  Jacqueline, you will find that some problems can be solved with logic and if you think about them long enough you will eventually come to an answer.  There are also those issues where logic has not viability.  You will want to wrap your head around an emotion or a gut feeling to try to sort it.  All I can tell you is that there a good chance that you won't be any wiser for the effort.  That's okay.  When you come up blank as you are sure to do, try to content yourself in the fact that in the morning, the sun will rise, over the world, over the land and over you.  Always remember that.  Lead with your heart.  Love the toenails.

                                      With all my love,

                                                 J